Because of You
by Ginny.Potter0114
Summary: Harry has gone off to fight in the war, and Ginny is all alone, missing Harry terribly. Disclaimer: Kelly Clarkson owns the song Because of You.


I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself Cause my heart so much misery

As my arm inches its way around Dean's neck, I pretend that I am happy. I pretend that he is the one I most want to be with, and not the other boy I am more worried about. The only thing that keeps me away from Harry is Dean. He is trying to be loving and keeps his arms tight around me, but I only feel locked in. Dean is making the hole in my heart even larger and Harry is the only thing that could possibly fill it.

I will not break the way you did You fell so hard I've learned the hard way To never let it get that far

I have tried to be strong. I had watched Harry try and fall, and then get back up again. But he wasn't the same after this fall. He was weak after this one, and after it, I knew things would never be the same. This time, his fall was too hard for him to take. 

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

I've always kept my distance, always watching from the side. I was comfortable with it, until today. Watching him panic and not being able to do anything about it was just too much. I run, faster than I knew I could, but Hermione holds my shoulders back. I try to break free, but her grip is too strong. She whispers something in my ear, but I am not listening. I need to get to Harry.

Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid

I always longed for the courage Harry had. I was amazed after he was able to overcome You-Know-Who for the second time at such a young age. Then he overcame him again, and not only did he save himself, he saved me. I started to think that maybe we had a chance. 

I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

Without Harry, I am lost. I don't know what to do when I need help. I don't know how to deal with my emotions. He has left me, but I am desperate to have him back. Tears constantly sting my eyes, but I do not let them fall. Before Harry went off to search for Horcruxes, he told me to be strong and brave, and crying is not that.

I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with

For five years, I was so close to Harry, yet so far from hi. He slowly broke my heart, until I didn't even notice it. Then I finally had him in my fifth year. I was right. We did have a chance. With him, all I did was smile and laugh. Now, on the rare occasion that I laugh, it is fake and stiff.

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Harry never realized how miserable I would be when he is gone. He is making everyone else's lives easier, but is making mine miserable. I am afraid to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I am not the confident girl everyone used to know. I am now the girl who cowers, at any unexpected sound or movement, for no reason.

Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid

I want to feel his warm body by my side, not the cold air around me. I want to feel safe again, like I can trust someone again. I want to kiss him again, our only way of telling each other just how much we loved each other when we had to be silent because of the war. I would have been terrified if it weren't for Harry. 

I watched you die I heard you cry every night in your sleep

I am awake long before Harry. The war outside and the fear woke me up just after I fell asleep. Harry was up for hours during the night, crying. I couldn't bear to look at him. I would not be looking at the Harry I know. He is going to war today, even though he just returned home after defeating You-Know-Who and we were just married. I told him not to, but he wouldn't let me finish my sentence before telling me that he had to and that I didn't understand. But he's the one who doesn't understand. He could die.

I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me

I was sitting next to Harry when he died. Having him suddenly come back to me was horrifying. I had just gotten used to being completely independent, when someone knocked on my door, carrying my unconscious husband. I once depended on him, but now his life depended on me.

He was okay for a few days, but then I sat next to him, and immediately knew something was wrong. I ran my hand across his pale face. He was cold. When I put my hand to his chest, my heart skipped a beat. He was dead.

You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain

When Harry said he would go to war, I knew what was going through his mind. He was thinking about You-Know-Who, and how though gone, we still needed to fight against his followers. He was thinking of how he could be even more of a hero. He wasn't thinking of me.

And now I cry in the middle of the night For the same damn thing

I didn't send an owl to anybody. I didn't want anyone to know yet. I went to bed with tears in my eyes. I woke up in the middle of the night, my hair plastered to my face with cold sweat. Tears were streaming uncontrollably. I tossed and turned, but couldn't sleep the rest of the night. 

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Harry should have listened to me. He loved me. But he didn't care enough about me to listen to me at the most critical time. He made a choice that killed him, and it is over for him, but I have to live with him. 

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in

I cannot stand to think of that day. Every time I remember what happened, I die a little bit inside. I want to forget what happened, but I want to keep the memories of being with Harry when he was healthy and happy.

Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

I feel like nothing will ever make me happy again. Everything is hopeless. Harry will always be in the back of my mind, haunting me. He will always remind me that I should've done more to stop him, but I didn't. He will always make me feel ashamed at who I am and what I've done. But, strangely enough, I still love him with all my heart.

Because of you I am afraid.

At one time, I wanted to take Harry's place in the war, and prove to myself and to everyone else that I'm a hero. But I'm not. 

As the window shatters and a cloaked figure steps in, I want to defend myself. I would reach for my wand, but my hand and the rest of my body is violently shaking as I nervously await what will happen. 

I can only remember when I was safe. I was a carefree child, with a crush that became much more. I had no idea that all these problems would be dropped onto my shoulders, and that one day I'd be cowering on the sofa like I am, praying just to stay alive. Even tough I know that at this point, it is not possible. 

With Harry, everything was a bittersweet illusion. And I was happy. 


End file.
